lillianstone
Lillian Stone
lillianstone
Staff writer @ The Takeout, joke writer elsewhere. Wrangling beagles and baked goods in Chicago. Debut essay collection, EVERYBODY'S FAVORITE, publishing in 2023 via Dey Street/HarperCollins.

If someone’s going to have the party anyway, then cheddar bay biscuits are a good way to do the reveal. Although they’re not very good when they’re not hot. And unless you don’t bring them out until the last moment, chances are that the first guest to arrive will immediately find out the gender of the baby.
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Can we just go back to the high explosive filled, forest fire starting, grandma killing gender reveal parties?
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Kinda surprised that gender reveal parties are still a thing, because its up to each of us to decide which is best for us as we experience life. Read more

Life Protip, refer to gender reveal parties as baby genital parties enough times BEFORE your friends are pregnant and you never have to attend one.

Though  I met Pat McAfee at one of the two I’ve ever attended, that was sick  Read more

Yes, off Stewart Road, look for the balloons and the 2 dead guests covered in creamy filling, spongecake and shrapnel. Read more

Is rushing the only way to go to a medical facility? I mean, don’t mosey FFS but don’t rush.  Read more

can we go out for breakfast sometime? i’d really like to order my medium basted eggs without getting questioning looks from everybody. Read more

Literally had to cross my legs while reading this.
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I don;t wanna think about thos beans

As a former imaging (x-ray) tech, I can attest to the variety and weirdness of the objects that people will shove up their bodily orifices for purposes of sexual gratification. Read more

Now I have a hunkering for Beanie-Weenies. Read more

Why did the man put kidney beans in his baby maker? Read more

If I were going on, say, a wine-themed tour of Italy or a Scotch tour, I’d splurge for this. If I am having to ship internationally, I have to trust that the wine is handled correctly through every part of the shipping process. Not to mention, I live in a state that has weird booze laws and for many years we could not Read more

Regarding that lead image: no one who buys one of these is going to be carting around bottles of 2 Buck Chuck or Kendall Jackson, as pictured. Piss poor choice on their part. Read more