They can have my potatoes when they pry them from my cold, dead ass! Read more

Everyone knows whole potatoes won't do anything. You need to use a full bag of salt and vinegar potato chips.  Read more

Both the headline and “Dr. Beyoncé Batman” got legitimate cackles out of me. Never change, Robicelli. Read more

“The pockets on these pants aren’t real - what do you expect me to do?!” Read more

. . . because here at The Takeout, we literally save your ass. Read more

Just leave the potato.  The spud’s not worth it.   Read more

Great.  No where am I supposed to keep them?
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o I poked around for approximately 30 seconds, and I am absolutely horrified to report that, yes, the internet proposes that people put potatoes up their posteriors to palliate the painful piles that have proliferated from pregnancy, portliness, or pressure.

“You can put anything up your ass, but it doesn’t make it a suppository.” Read more

“You can put anything up your ass, but it doesn’t make it a suppository.”
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Or what if I just really, really, really want to? Don’t try to cage me with your medical privilege, Batman! Read more

What if I don’t have hemorrhoids, and have no other way to carry a potato? Read more

Heads up! Read more

Not really going to be influenced by a “swan meat influencer”. Read more

I broke down and got one of these today and it was very nice. Read more

Agreed. Also the amount of oil you need to make it... my lawd.

Thank you- now I can finally imagine what it’s like to be inside a Red Lobster (I can’t go inside since the air is toxic from all the fried shellfish). Read more

This brings back memories of a list I found on the internet of alternative “truthful” company slogans. My favorite two on the list were: Red Lobster -”You’re just here for the biscuits.” and Campbell’s Soups - “M’mm, m’mm salt.”
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Anything I can substitute for the shrimp (shellfish allergies) or should I just make something else instead? Read more