A friend pointed out that it looks more like pubic hair. Or else the vaginas I’ve seen have been alien vaginas. Read more

I suppose it wasn’t, being General Mills, and all. But it always felt like the laziest, baseline-iest cereal in the pantry. It was like, Fine, I’ll eat the Kix. Read more

I never could figure out why HoneyComb was allowed in our world but Frosted Flakes weren’t. The lines parents draw in the sand are so weird.  Read more

I pray that my wife does not find out that this is a thing that exists. Read more

TasteeO Lung, oddly enough, can only be cured by eating more TasteeO’s. Read more

Yeah that was one of those cereals that you could fool mom into getting. It’s got a healthy-sounding name and appearance. But: SUGAR BOMB Read more

Cereal as Existential Crisis Read more

Thanks for the kind words. I love the Sixth Ingredient Rule. Your mom’s code of ethics was at the same time peculiar but completely familiar. Read more

My nemesis. I bet he eats yogurt, the monster Read more

It seems like the moral here is not “Denying your kids sweet stuff backfires.” It’s “When they’re old enough to choose what they eat, they will go through a phase of eating shit. Then they will grow up.” Read more

We of course did not have Pop Tarts, but rather something called Toast ‘Ems. Which had more of that inner fruity stuff that burned the roof of your mouth like a mother. Read more

I dream of that first bite of Grape Nuts. They go beyond cereal and enter into some other holy realm. A realm that gets mushy in about 30 seconds. Read more

This is a big pet peeve of mine. That bag! It only leads to heartache and waste. Read more

Did your sister eat the good stuff in front of you, all smug-like? Read more

One pig-out, and then satisfaction? That is amazing. I want to be you. Read more

Yes. I still crave Life more often than any other cereal. And the funny thing is, the kids go through these phases where they fight over the box of Life like it’s ambrosia or whatever. And then the next day, they laugh at me when I try to pour them a bowl. Read more

Worked for me. Then again, I have to put almonds in the yogurt to stomach it. Read more

He also had rum and Playboy magazines under his bed. It was a wonderland. Read more

Frosted Flakes. I always thought Tony the Tiger was a pain in the ass. Leave the poor kids alone, you nosy feline. Read more